CM 03/10: WALK OUT!!!

Wet and cloudy skies earlier in the day dried up just enough to allow a gorgeous sunset around 7pm last Friday. Though the damp day had been replaced by a cool evening, dozens of bicycle riders and other free-wheeling types gathered at Union Square North.

Approximately 30 people with bikes socialized for approximately 45 minutes in the approximate center of the approximately public space. The "Guardians of Safety," a.k.a. the NYPD, smartly positioned themselves around the un-licensed street-users who were a mere 20 people short of being illegally lacking a parade permit. Their brassy finery sparkling in the urban dusk like so many stars in the pre-industrial twilight-skies, top cops huddled between SUVs and motor-scooters creating a formidable mass of metal and flesh on the northwest corner. To the southwest, a less-dazzlingly attired half-dozen scooter patrol-men lounged around. Though looking bored and perhaps a bit cold, these, the most-mobile of police man/vehicle hybrids available, were ready to pursue any cycling citizens from the group. A brilliant assignment, lest those people suddenly forget how to safely operate their vehicles of choice in the city streets. A few plain-clothes and possibly under-cover "Protectors of the Constitution" rounded things out to approximately 20 NYPD police men (starting salary $44,744/year!), joined by about 15 of their secret robotic masters, the motor vehicles.



In a disturbing denial of their circumstances, the bicycle riders played it cool and casual. Small-talk and snack-sharing were pervasive in the group. A number of riders were visiting NYC from other countries. Several were allegedly from Hungary, where Critical Mass in Budapest only happens twice a year but draws 20,000+ cyclists. One of these foreign operatives came prepared for a kamikaze mission apparently. Pre-emptively dawning white garb and riding a white bike (so that a ghost bike might be immediately erected in his honor) the man lacked the appropriate lights (which many NYC cyclists would agree is tantamount to suicide). A plain-clothes "community affairs" officer was merciful enough to point it out to him, intervening in his obvious bid for traffic martyrdom.

Perhaps perceiving their entrapped state on a subconscious level, the gathered cyclists spontaneously transformed themselves into pedestrians and walked southwards along the west edge of the park. Saftey-minded participants gave appropriate hand signals as the group executed a left turn, deeper into the park, followed immediately by a right turn into the bench-lined promenade, curiously devoid of any other traffic. NYPD Scooters appeared at the rear of the mass, corralling the pedestrians and encouraging a continued southward stroll. Some participants, already exhausted from the trek, briefly occupied park benches, but sensing the hot pursuit quickly rejoined the herd. The group escorted the un-mounted bikes through Union Square South, utilizing crosswalk at the legal moment to traverse 14th street and continue along a pedestrian-approved sidewalk.

Critical Walkers enjoyed the perfectly legal "two-abreast" traipse down Broadway, then 4th avenue for several blocks, while other foot-traffic on the sidewalk continued to flow with minimal disruption. The Scooter Brigade, back in their element with the motor vehicle traffic, kept the lane nearest the sidewalk at a crawl as they followed the pedestrians, who continued to socialize and enjoy the night out.

As if commanded by some unseen hand, the long march of bikes changed course several times, mostly enjoying the two-way sidewalks along one-way streets. In a bold move to keep road users safe, the NYPD scooter brigade engaged in a low-speed, salmon-style pursuit via the bike lane of the side-walk cycle-pushers.

Eventually reaching the 2nd avenue, some in the crowd were impatient to ride. With all the smug self-righteousness that accompanies a non-polluting, easily-parked and inexpensive mode of transportation, the pedestrians again transmutated into road users. Herded tightly in the bike lane by NYPD scooters, the cyclists rode a few blocks. Awaiting a red light to change green, some in the mass indicated that the police were about to make their move. Predictions came true when the traffic signal switched, and a few young men who were lacking flashing lights were ordered off bikes, back to the sidewalk, and to hand over indentification. The iron fist of justice (administered by the courteous Officer Schneider, pictured left) successfully smashed the mass, as some cyclists rode on, and others returned to pedestrian status.

After the important ticketing business was finished, walk/ride participants slowly attempted to regroup by walking west on Houston, again followed by NYPD scooters. Sucessfully re-grouping near Lafayette, cyclists socialized more and discussed the "success" of the night. The Scooter Brigade nearly managed to park their vehicles without obstructing a cross-walk while awaiting the next move of the remaining dozen or so riders. Another re-group was suggested within the mass, and bicyclists slowly dispersed. A massive 5 or so riders met up at Astor place, and after waiting for a bit, were joined by the Scooter Brigade again. Much like the half-life of a radioactive element, with each disruption the "ride" grew smaller, until it dissappated into non-existence. Police went on to other less-important task and eventually home to enjoy their well-earned pay.

The attitude of some law-enforcement agencies towards bikes has become increasingly accomodating towards cyclists. It will be disappointing when Ray Kelly rides for a publicity stunt during his mayoral run, yet continues to have the NYPD waste time and money field dozen of officers and motor vehicles only twice a month to give out tickets to cyclists lacking bells and lights. Consistent traffic enforcement and training officers to tone down their auto-centric bias would be far preferable to seeing Kelly in spandex.

Ride as safely as the law allows, and then ride even safer. Especially on 1st Friday, 4/2 7pm Union Square North!