Poor Pogan! Framed?

Mr. Conners (Prosecutor) Q: How many times have you viewed this video?
Mr. Pogan (Defendant) A: Too many times.

Last Tuesday, April 20th, the NYPD deftly executed a humiliating blow to the good reputation of an anti-authoritarian, veteran, pot-smoking, deadly-driver but merely-reckless cyclist in the guise of a "criminal" trial against the doe-eyed Patrick Pogan. This case has had wide coverage in the media due to sensational aspects of the case and the above-mentioned, apparently not-so-damning video footage. What most reportage is missing is the clear case the defense has made that a larger conspiracy against the NYPD is being played out. The proof of anarchist-infiltrations of Critical Mass has at last been laid bare by the vocal maneuvering of slick, archetypical lawyer for former-officer Patrick Pogan, Mr. Stuart London.

A quick aside: As a human being, I occasionally suffer bouts of empathy and compassion. Just as all who view the video of the inertial-halting-vector-change inflicted upon the cyclist flinch upon impact, I can't help but feel bad for Patrick Pogan. No doubt growing up as the dutiful son to detective dad, Patrick was proud to finally wear the uniform, only to make a huge mistake and loose it all very quickly. Sometimes in life though, we must pay for our poor decisions.

According to Mr. London, however, this was no mistake on Officer Pogan's part. How could it possibly be coincidence that the145 lb part-time farmer, cyclist Chris Long, would just happen to hit the innocent, freshest fruit of a proud NYPD family tree? Breaking down the anarchist plot, Mr. London pressed Mr. Long on the stand for information regarding his "classified" activities within the U.S. military, the source of his radicalizing cannabis, and the Soviet origins of his wife. "I wouldn't say it is convenient!" quipped Mr. Long in response to Mr. London's suggestion that he'd married so that she might have citizenship.

The defense, in building the case for the vast anarchist conspiracy, pointed to striking additional video evidence, not seen millions of times on YouTube. Showing the moments prior to the fateful collision, other cyclists are "corking" traffic on both 7th Avenue and 46th Street as Long, raising both hands in the air and letting out a "whooooo!" against the autos and the authorities, then makes his self-sacrificial charge at the un-witting rookie cop.

This second video, in fact, was created by another agent provocateur within the Mass, filming Long's martyr moment undoubtedly for the purpose of recruiting more bicycle jihadists. Acting as a triple-agent, this videographer provided what appeared at first glance to justify Pogan's forceful traffic stop, only to have Assistant District Attorney Ryan Conners, the prosecutor (and likely anarchist-collaborator) turn this evidence around to show that Pogan had signed off on statements regarding the situation that appear to be untrue!

Pointing to his terrible record as a motor vehicle operator, the defense tried to establish that Mr. Long was also an extremely reckless cyclist. In an interview with a journalist after the incident, Mr. Long described a maneuver straight from the outlaw culture of messengers, wherein a cyclist, cut off by a car making a sudden right turn, can minimize injury to bike and body by rolling over the hood of the car while tossing his ride in the opposite direction. This sounds like smart planning, and perhaps now that NYPD knows that radical cyclists are able to dismount a bike in this fashion, they might institute training to safely take down cyclists with a quick right turn from a cruiser, rather than the messy body-check tactic allegedly employed by Pogan.

Under all the weight the best lawyer the Patrolmen's Benevolence Association could muster for the cause, Mr. Long admitted under oath, the American flag, and the words "In God We Trust" (and the stern gaze of Alan Alda look-a-like Judge Maxwell Wiley) that he was anti-government, anti-police, and thinks riding bikes is fun. He also revealed the intricate structure which makes Critical Mass such an effective terrorist organization: they meet at the same time and place every month. This is a coup for the NYPD, who now have confirmed evidence on the group of bicyclists that "create a hazard to drivers" by participating in the flow of traffic in city streets. Long admitted what the authorities have frequently suspected to be true: cyclists have a greater right to the public streets than cars. Mr. London, who must be moonlighting as a psychologist, demonstrated that Mr. Long's hatred of cars was sparked by the way using one over a decade ago tragically resulted in the death of an elderly pedestrian.

The rest trial last week consisted of witnesses who helped establish the incompetence of the police department and the District Attorney's office at properly administering "justice," at least in this case. This is somewhat odd, considering the Defense and its supporters are so deeply involved with the NYPD, while the prosecutor representing "The People" hails from the DA's office.

On the last days of testimony, Mr. Pogan himself was on the stand. Again, my sympathies to the young man for his lost job and the personal attacks he has suffered in the media and blog-o-sphere. The widespread condemnation of his actions by the public might hint at even larger anti-police conspiracies festering in the bike shops of our fair society. The young man who had his job taken away by these dark forces answered with the clarity and recall that one would expect from any of New York's Finest.

During closing arguments on Monday April 26th, the defense continued their blistering attacks of Critical Mass, Mr. Long, the NYPD and the DA's Office. Just who exactly set this poor cop up?

Mr. Conners, in his summation, continued, like a broken record, to encourage the Jury to look at the video evidence and decide for themselves. They were then left to deliberate, and justice will no doubt be served up shortly.

Stuart London repeatedly characterizes Critical Mass participants as "professional agitators." This news may be upsetting for many rides participants who have yet to receive a single paycheck from the secret anarchist cabal. Actually, when one looks at the demographic breakdown of recent Critical Mass rides, the most consistent attendees are indeed paid, just as Mr. Long was, by the City of New York. These other professionals definitely have a specific political agenda that they promote through the threat of violence. Unfortunately they have not realized that they could vastly increase their pay and efficiency through the use of bicycles instead of motor vehicles.

"Are we being manipulated by an organization to a certain extent?" Mr. London asked the jury. The answer, undoubtedly, is "yes."